When you find yourself on the edge- JUMP!

I’ve always had a problem with heights. Several years ago I attended a retreat designed to take participants beyond their self-imposed limitations. We were signing up to move past our comfort zones and into areas where we had to deal with some deep-seated fears. Each day of the retreat presented a new challenge, which wouldn’t be revealed until participants were confronted with the immediacy of the task at hand.

One such challenge was to climb up to a wooden platform built into a tree some 40+ feet off the ground. From that platform, each participant was to leap out and attempt to grab onto a bar suspended on ropes approximately 8-10 feet out, and maybe 6 feet up from the platform. Although a harness was secured to our bodies, anyone with a fear of heights would tremble at the thought of climbing up the rope ladder to stand on that wooden platform which might as well have been 1000 feet up in the air! Although I’m known to be a fairly composed individual, I was very nervous at the prospect of what lay ahead.

Each event was immediately preceded by a detailed orientation outlining the correct way to approach the challenge. (It was also preceded by the signing of a document clearing the retreat organizers from any liabilities, which only added to my anxiety.) This was followed by a request for any volunteers who wished to go first. Against my better judgment I found my hand shooting up into the air. I guess the standing around putting off the inevitable was more than I could take.

When chosen to go first I was both relieved and fearful. My mental process was interesting to watch. Each step I took brought me closer and closer to confronting this fear I carried within. I had a sense of what it might be like climbing the gallows stairs. And each step brought more fear and more relief; more fear and more relief until I reached the platform’s edge. I stood there for a moment looking down at the crowd; then up at the bar, which seemed beyond my reach. I was not going to stand there torturing myself so I sucked it up and leapt! The fingers of my left hand firmly grasped the bar, whereas my right hand needed a momentary adjustment before I could safely swing back and forth to the cheers below. I did it! I faced my fear and did it!

How sweet the feeling I had as I watched each ensuing participant climb the rope ladder to deal with the challenge ahead. Some like myself leapt without much hesitation; some after long and painful deliberation; while a few could only climb back down with heads hung low.

The take away for me was this: When the inevitable presents itself and you find yourself on the edge, JUMP! Living on the edge has advantages, but only if you’re willing to take the leap. Of course each of us has our own threshold, be it a visit to the dentist or participating in the X Games. Watching some of the X Game participants, especially the motorcycle events, puts my above-mentioned feat in perspective. That said, each of us approaches an edge that’s unique to our individual ideas as to what limits us.

Many of those who know me, know that I’ve had a life-long fascination with reptiles, especially snakes. While vacationing in California each year my kids and I usually find time to go out looking for them. Sometimes we come upon Rattlesnakes. It’s no secret that a Rattlesnake bite is usually fatal unless you get anti-venom in a timely manner. If you’re lucky enough to have your life saved after being bitten, there’s still an excruciatingly painful experience awaiting. Non-the-less, it’s been my habit to catch them with my bare hands. Coming face to face with a Rattlesnake is another form of living on the edge. You see, it’s nearly impossible for me to see a snake, any snake in the wild and leave it alone. Knowing very well the danger involved with handling Rattlers, my mind becomes acutely focused as I approach the snakes. You might say it’s a form of meditation for me. Crazy? I certainly can’t deny it!

For a long time I’ve tried to muster up the courage to put my thoughts down in this fashion. My hesitancy has to some extent been the fear of rejection and to some extent lack of discipline. Mostly it’s been the fear of not being true to myself and coming from a place of egoism. In this regard I’ve stood on the edge for a long, long time. When things came together for me a few weeks back I decided to go for it and take the leap. It’s been very satisfying, and the responses to some of my postings have warmed my heart with an abundance of encouragement. (To those who have been less than pleased with my postings, I’m sorry!) So, thank you to those who have responded with your own sweet words. They are most appreciated. Thanks also to my dear friends Mitchie D and Steven R. Your encouragement has helped push me over the edge. Considering my rebellious tendencies, let's hope you haven't help create a monster. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!